Confession During A Season Of Change

Comparison, the thief of joy, did just that

Original photo taken by: Young Yi, KNLC Christmas Eve Service 2023

A few weeks ago, my wife and I moved out of Lansing and we closed a chapter of life in that beautiful city.

Now, a few weeks into being the interim youth pastor at my home church, not being the most financially stable, waiting to hear back from my wife’s CRNA programs, living in my mother-in-law’s home for the interim - the life we left behind was definitely more comfortable.

And a part of me misses it. A lot.
Not just the city and the people, but in all honesty, I miss the comfort and the peace of mind.

My wife recently said something to me, and after thinking on it the last couple of days, it really began to settle in.

She asked, “do you think people are shocked to see you move from a church with over 1,500 people to be a youth pastor to 5 kids?” 

Yeah, you heard that right.
There are five youth students in my home church’s youth group.
And I get to pastor them.

During my transition out from Riverview Church, the looming reality of not being at a bigger, more stable church really took my wife and I for a spin. My home church is barely 30 people large and with the immigrant-Korean population nearly stagnating and perhaps even on a decline, the likelihood of seeing it go for another 20 years becomes less likely as each year passes by.

Going from a church with 1,500 people to a church with 30, let alone 5 youth kids, really got me thinking and put me in a place of questioning if this was the right move.

But this questioning wasn’t coming from left field, because you see, here is my confession:

• I’ve struggled with comparison my entire life and the vocational ministry space never made it any better.

Growing up, I would always compare myself academically, spiritually, optically, physically, etc. Leading the campus church at Riverview, I was plagued by comparison; comparing our church to local campus ministries and other churches.

And either direction of this comparison sucked the joy out of me, the work I had the privilege of doing, and the fruit that was born out of the labor that me and my friends got to see. 

I have learned and experienced, comparison either leads to pride (you see yourself as better than the other) or depression (you see yourself as less than the other)…

Both lead to a joyless life; comparison truly is the thief of all joy.
But I’ve been fighting to enjoy what is in front of me and all that is potentially ahead.

Going back to what I wrote earlier:

There are five youth students in my home church’s youth group.
And I get to pastor them.

Despite the comparison at times, it’s been a true joy and privilege of mine to enter into this sacred space.

I’ll be writing a ton more on the future of the Asian-American church, but what excites me the most with my current role, is the possibility of starting something fresh and new for these youth students, along with other 2nd and 3rd generation Asian-Americans in the Metro-Detroit area.

I’ll end with this thought:

contentment in Jesus Christ is what the Scriptures teach as the antidote to comparison (read all of Philippians).

Because in our contentment, we come to a place of deep trust in God’s sovereignty over our life and we come to a place of expectant hope because in and through Jesus there is life and life abundant in which He leads us to. Not necessarily an abundance in the sense of affluence, but a deep sense of identity and purpose in and through Him. The difficult trick though is to remember and practice this contentment in a world where growth metrics, attendance numbers, follower counts, likes and shares qualify your identity.

If you also struggle with comparison, feel free to share that with me! Know you’re not alone in that and there are people like me who would love to help figure out what contentment in Jesus looks like in your life.

May the God of all peace and comfort, love and joy fill your heart, mind, and soul today.